Thanksgiving: The Perfect Time ....to Sit on Your Ass [EDIT]

Ah, Thanksgiving. It's a time for feasting. Family. Parades...at least in every Thanksgiving movie you've ever seen.

...wait. What Thanksgiving movies? Are there any?

It is my not so humble opinion that there is, in fact, a dearth of Thanksgiving-themed movies. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It does make the concept of a Thanksgiving movie playlist, however, a little bit harder to pull off. I shall endeavor to achieve this goal.

Now, if you have been reading this blog since its inception at the beginning of October, then you probably read my post on October/Halloween movie-viewing. It was there that I actually began the "November" movie playlist with a number of ideas for the Day of the Dead, as well as a perfect Guy Fawkes Day suggestion of  V for Vendetta (again, humble). As such, I won't be reiterating those. The beginning of November, after all, doesn't really feel like the end of November, does it? Somewhere between Jack o'Lanterns and Turkeys, we shift inexorably into the "Holiday" season. Whatever stores had held out until the ghosts and goblins vacated are now in full swing with their rabid displays and "last-minute" sales pitches. Any semblance of normalcy will simply have to wait for another couple of months. So, it's sometimes hard to feel as though Thanksgiving even has its own identity as a holiday. It's almost more of an extension of the upcoming festivities, as the end of November railroads straight through the end of the year. And with the Ghost of Christmas Everything looming over our shoulder (even if one doesn't celebrate it), a bird with a death sentence can hardly be expected to pull focus, can it?

Another possible reason for the dearth of movies centered around this holiday is a decided lack of stakes. It's not a present-oriented holiday, like birthdays, or a candy-oriented holiday, like Easter; nor is it a particularly spiritual holiday (grace not withstanding). It is, in this day and age, a holiday centered around FOOD. There are several TV shows that have capitalized on this over the years, focusing on the homeless' lack thereof. Many times, it's an obvious bid on the part of the characters to look like good persons; most times, it almost always comes off a bit treacly. [How I Met Your Mother does a particularly obnoxious take on this, and I'm pretty sure that Growing Pains did about twelve episodes like this in the '80s.] In the end it doesn't feel like anything has changed, either in the characters, or in the viewer. The real issue of people struggling in life gets shunted aside in favor of momentary character development that doesn't stick. Christmas does this, too, though spiritual overtones are often shoehorned in to add some weight. So that might be part of the reason.

Oh, and let's not forget that whole indigenous culture appropriation and genocide. That could be part of it. Yeah.

Still, Thanksgiving is mostly a jump off holiday to get consumers going. The first round of holiday movies that will be in theaters through the end of the year are released. And let us not forget Black Friday, otherwise known as Satan's Asshole (no, wait, that's the DMV). So it's no wonder that Thanksgiving as a font of inspiration doesn't hit home for many. After all, by the time all is said and done, it's mostly just about the food and parades, isn't it? So bring on the food coma and hand me the remote. It's binge time....

A Little Pregame

No, I'm not talking about the foosball. I couldn't care less. If you do, that's great. I won't be joining you. Still, in gearing up for any holiday, I find myself looking at what that holiday means in all ways. Thanksgiving is nothing if not a mixed bag of turkeys. On the one hand, we have food, which...food, right? I mean, seriously. On the other hand, however, I can't help but look at the history of this holiday and feel a certain resentment towards our collective culture. If you didn't know, Thanksgiving feels like the Uncle Tom of holidays, and I've had mixed emotions directed towards the celebration of this event each year.  So, if you're wondering about the reason for the season, you could find no less subversive a treatment of it than my favorite clan: The Addams'.

Addams Family Values (1993)

I could go on about how awesome are the first two installments of the cinematic adaptation of the popular TV series, based on the comic strip, originally penned by Charles Addams (*pant, pant*). These cultural icons have been enjoyed by millions over the last century or so. Yet, it is in these first two movies that I found my muse in the magical combination of Raul Julia, Anjelica Houston, Christopher Lloyd, Carol Cane, and, particularly, Christina Ricci. If you haven't seen them, I recommend watching the first movie*, and then going on to Addams Family Values, because it's there that things get extra strength crazy. Along with the addition of Joan Cusack as a homicidal bride, we have the most spectacular treatment of Thanksgiving ever created when the Addams children are sent to camp. Wednesday Addams's monologue on the plight of Native Americans is perfect, and the ensuing chaos is vindicating, if only a little. Furthermore, both movies opened on Thanksgiving weekends, so they are obviously a match made in a very weird heaven. Watch these two movies before the big day.

...and on Turkey Day...

After all that prep and cooking, don't you deserve a break....for, like, five days? What better way to do so than sitting in a coma on your couch? The following should give you plenty of nothing to do for the entire weekend.

Animated Specials

If you, like I, grew up in the '70's or '80's, then you may be familiar with this particular phenomenon. There were many animated specials based on comic strips, books, and other media during this time. Animated specials used to be the bread and butter of holiday family viewing back in the day. We didn't have a plethora of sources like Netflix, Cartoon Network, and other stations giving us cartoons beyond the early mornings and Saturdays. Cable had barely been birthed, and so we had to take what we could get. Kids lived on once a year specials about Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc. As such, I can't look at any holiday without reaching back to my childhood. These were times of happiness for me, when my family celebrated together...when we were, in essence, whole. After my parents' divorce, it wasn't so much that we stopped celebrating, as I stopped enjoying it. It's a typical story. I've found a new appreciation as I've gotten older, but at the time, that was my reality.

So on the day of Thanksgiving, between the food prep and food comas, these little gems serve quite well for short attention spans:

B.C.: The First Thanksgiving (1973)

It was based on the B.C. comic strip (like...from newspapers). In one of the most bizarre children's specials I have ever seen, a group of cavemen prepare for their annual feast like one should: by capturing and butchering a turkey. This turkey - surprise, surprise - is smarter than them. What ensues is a half hour of animated nonsense as the cavemen give chase, en masse, shouting after this turkey, which outsmarts them at every turn. This, however, is not the best bit. Should you be able to get your hands on a copy of this hilarity, watch for the best turkey warble you've ever heard. You'll never be the same.

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973)

It's fair to say that Peanuts specials were my childhood. That, and Garfield, two influences that explain a lot about my cumulative personality. I loved Charles M. Schulz's world. I watched these as much as I watched Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I watched them over and over again, reciting entire sequences, memorizing songs. Snoopy & Woodstock were my heroes. I felt betrayed when Charlie Brown let Snoopy be taken back to his original owner. I was devastated upon not being cast as Lucy in my middle school's version of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. The chorus? Really? Oh, so we're choosing actual singing ability over appropriate casting now, are we? Inconsolable, I was.

Nowadays, I look back in fondness at these half-hour gems, and, thanks to technology, I have boxed sets of the originals, including the Thanksgiving episode. Though not the best of them, it is a piece of childhood, no matter what generation you are. That was Schulz's gift.

Other TV

Television is where most Thanksgiving occurs. There are literally hundreds of episodes from your favorite shows dedicated to the holiday of bird-eating. I could dedicate an entire post on this subject alone, but I simply can't be bothered. There are, however, a couple episodes that jumped to mind:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 4x08 "Pangs"

I love this episode, because it's the first time we see Spike start to become a reluctant part of the Scoobies. It is also hilarious and thoughtful, featuring farce-like encounters with our favorite emo vampire, Angel (at least he doesn't sparkle), while managing to bring up some awkward cultural questions (Joss Whedon is good at that). The opening scene between Buffy, Willow, and Anya is a perfect compliment to Wednesday Addams's speech. The whole episode is fun, as Buffy seems to implode in a nostalgic control frenzy, oblivious to Angel, her friends, and sometimes even the impending doom surrounding them. In typical Joss fashion, the final scene, nay, the final frame of the episode is a perfect end: Buffy's point of view as Xander lets slip that Angel has been in town and all eyes turn to see her reaction. Watch Spike smile. Classic.

How I Met Your Mother 3x09 "Slapsgiving"

While there are all kinds of episodes in this series that are worth noting (mostly because of Neil Patrick Harris), this Thanksgiving episode stands out as a fan favorite. While it focuses around ridiculous sitcom tropes that are easily skippable, the real fun for this episode comes at the end. When, after another of the long awaited five slaps owed by Marshall to Barney is delivered, Marshall goes to the piano to play the song he wrote for the occasion. As Barney sits on the floor rubbing his face, he joins in with his own harmonious additions, in what may have been an actual improv on the part of the actor, since the other actors look genuinely surprised (I couldn't find an answer one way or another, but NPH is unrelentingly awesome, so who knows?). The moment has nothing to do with Thanksgiving at all, other than the slap had been built up over the last month in preparation for the holiday. In fact, the rest of the episode isn't that interesting. Just go to the end of the episode and watch that moment. It's on Hulu. You're welcome.

Now for the main event. Again, not about football. I cannot stress enough how much I don't care about football.

The Ultimate Hobbit/LotR Marathon (2001-2013)

If you're like me, you have no interest in Black Friday. You do, in fact, avoid it like the plague. I offer an alternative: an epic movie marathon. That's right, my friends. I bring you to Middle-Earth.

All things aside, you need to have a whole weekend to do this properly.   It used to be that you could do this series in one day (or two, for the weak). But noooo, Peter Jackson just had to go and make the Hobbit into three movies, didn't he? I expect The Silmarillion to be 1000 installments long. Damn you, Jackson.

Anyhoo, 2-3 days is a reasonable viewing time. The Hobbit extended trilogy is 9 hours of viewing. The Lord of the Rings extended trilogy clocks in at near 11.5 hours. Yikes. Now, you realize this means you have to start early. I tried the LotR trilogy starting at noon in the past. Somewhere between bathroom breaks, cigarette breaks (which always devolve into lengthy discussions), and making food (because feasting), my group and I were up until 3am. So start early if you value your Z's. My family and I did them all on Friday and Saturday last year, feasting on leftovers and my mom's famous bean soup (yum!), and generally lying around like lumps. I have yet to try a 24 hour viewing full marathon of both trilogies myself. Maybe someday....like, right before I die. Because I'm pretty sure it will kill me....but I'd die happy, so, bonus.

Of course, you will need food handy, because every time they eat one of their huge meals - an event that occurs at least once per movie - you will be hungry. Be it Hobbits, Elves, Humans, or, yes, Orcs ("Looks like meat's back on the table, boys!"), feasting is in style.  It's like these movies were made for Thanksgiving weekend.

Oh, and if you are desperate to shop this weekend, I suggest shopping with online retailers like Amazon. They now do Black Friday sales all day. Shopping from the cozy warmth of your home while watching an awesome set of movies, chowing down on leftovers, and knowing your packages will be delivered to you in a couple days (or weeks depending on your plan), rather than slogging out into crappy weather with insanely crowded stores? Yes, please. That's what we call sensible and lazy. Better yet, partake of Small Business Saturday, and get off the couch for a while, ya sloth.

So now I bid you adieu and wish you all a Happy Turkey Day.

Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.

Buffy: Not really a one of those.

Anya: To commemorate a past event you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.

[Buffy: The Vampire Slayer: 4x08 "Pangs"]

...with. pie.