The Big, Happy, Merry Winter Holiday Movie-List Post [EDIT]

The world is turning away from the sun here in the northern hemisphere. It gets dark sooner. Leaves have dropped. Bare limbs reach up like claws silhouetted against the pale gray of the sky. People have retreated from the unwelcoming chill of outdoors into the safety and warmth of the indoors. Winter is here. But it doesn't all have to be beheadings and Night Kings. There's always revelries to be had. And revelries need a good flick to accompany them.

Since many of my holiday movie lists have so far diverged from what most would consider "popular", "normal", or even sane, it should come as no surprise that my Christmas list would follow suit. Rather than the more treacly holiday fare, I find myself turning to the sarcastic, bizarre, and downright disturbing. Enjoy.

Solstice...and a word on the holiday monopoly

Did you know that there aren't any films out there focused on the Winter Solstice? Or Hannukah...or Kwanzaa...or Diwali, or any others. I looked. That's sad to me...but maybe it's not. As Westerners, and especially humans, we assume that our way should be others' way. Perhaps the need to express our ideologies through popular media is the province of Western religion, and Christianity in particular. Perhaps those of other faiths are okay with not having their own faith-themed movies or TV specials. And maybe they're not. Either way, the lack of representation is overwhelming.

So, here in the Northwestern hemisphere, don't count on finding any movies celebrating the darkest night or the return of the sun. Christmas, as you may have suspected, has the monopoly on this time. That said, you can always celebrate by watching films set in winter. I'll be doing a "winter" list come the new year, but in the meantime, I do have one pick for this dark, quiet little holiday:

Rise of the Guardians

This movie works for multiple holidays, but it's the struggle between Jack Frost and Pitch that make this Solstice-worthy. Young Jack fights against the Darkness, a somewhat bastardized metaphor for the celebration of the shortest day of the year, and the return of the sun to the earth. Throw in a few nods to folk/pagan traditions and a Russian-styled, lumberjack Santa Claus, and you've got the makings of a more than passable Solstice viewing.

Christmastime is here!

It's a decent-sized list, so let's get moving:

Cartoons/Family Pics

Fantasia

You can call it odd, but Disney's Fantasia has always been my favorite version of the Nutcracker Suite. In fact, for many years, I had no idea people considered it a Christmas ballet. I thought it was about faeries and flowers. Nowadays, I get it, and it also makes me feel a little more connection to solstice in that regard. Morever, the rest of the film, with it's dancing hippos and winged demons is still a rather brilliant piece of work after all this time. Incidentally, Tchaikovsky hated his most popular creation, partly because it was so beloved. Perhaps he was a hipster. You have to figure he would have preferred "You Oughta Know" Alanis to "Ironic" Alanis. (For what it's worth, so do I.) But I can't get enough of those seasonal faeries. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas

This is the Peanuts special that started it all. Back in 1965, Charles M. Schulz's creation had already been around for 15 years when a version of some of his comics were put together in an animated short. It captivated audiences, went on to play every holiday season since, and inspired almost 50 more specials to this day. Laden with religious imagery and ideology, it is nonetheless an incredibly charming and heartwarming show. Linus, a virtual Taoist monk with a blanket, never made me feel like religion was being shoved down my throat like a lot of media does at this time of year. Besides, nothing beats the Linus & Lucy theme, complete with Snoopy dance. A must for any childhood.

Nightmare Before Christmas

While the majority of this stop-motion musical is set in Halloweentown, it is arguably a Christmas feel-good piece. Watch Jack Skellington and crew bumble their way through a holiday not within their purview, and do the heartfelt lessons thing. It definitely feels like a throwback to the Claymation era. The macabre tone of this "kids" movie, however, is what makes it such a unique and enjoyable cartoon, showing that Christmas, too, has a sense of humor about itself. Since it could be watched at Halloween or Christmas, you can really watch this anytime. I usually watch it in the early weeks of December. Or whenever I get an urge to "make" some Christmas.

B.C.: A Special Christmas

If you checked out my Thanksgiving post, then you caught me extolling the virtues of an obscure little TV special starring some cavemen and a sly turkey. The creators of that special made one other for Christmas. This cartoon gives a more subtle and clever interpretation to Christian imagery, leading you on a mysterious journey and leaving you space to sort out how you feel about it. Their fable of Santa Claus is hilarious, too.

Elf

Ahh, Will Ferrell...such a weirdo. I go back and forth on how I feel about him as an actor. He'll do something fantastically bizarre and cynical like Zoolander, and then he'll do Step Brothers, which pleased me not at all. He'll participate in the terrible adaptation of Bewitched, one of my favorite classic TV shows growing up, and then he'll do Stranger Than Fiction, the most brilliant role I've ever seen him perform. ...and then he does something like Elf. Elf was a surprise. I must note that one of my favorite things about this movie is the nod to Claymation specials in the opening scenes, and the whole world of the North Pole. It brings back so many memories. I also love the cameo by Peter Dinklage. This is before Game of Thrones, and his scenes are not to be missed. But the prize here is Will Ferrell's acting. His enthusiastic, child-like energy - which he brings to all his roles, and I describe as "I've had too much candy" - works. The best part is he does it all without a hint of sarcasm or a whiff of irony. He is, for all intents and purposes, innocent, and that's a bastard to pull off. Last, his duet with Zooey Deschanel (in my second favorite role for her) of one of my favorite all-time holiday songs, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," is lovely.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Cartoon version)

Ah, Dr. Seuss...beloved by children who grew up to be adults who love to read and feel embarrassed by Seuss's political views. Still, I am the environmentalist, new world-seeking, hardcore reader that I am in part because of him. How the Grinch Stole Christmas begs the question: what better way to celebrate Christmas than a visit to Whoville? Without a single mention of God or Jesus, this cartoon (and it's original book...and later live-action adaptation) gave you a sense of doing something kind without feeling the need to resort to religiously- or societally-structured morals as an overriding motivator. It showed you that Christmas can be what you make it, that it can belong to anyone. That was pretty special for a kid like me.

~`~

Now...

You can admit it. Sometimes you're a wee bit tired of those heartfelt movies, aren't you? You're sick of hearing the same Christmas music and commercials on your TV over and over. Don't you wanna just....blow some shit up? ...like your TV, or the loud speaker in that big box store you've been standing in line at for hours that keeps pumping "Jingle Bells" into your brain  .....or the Nakatomi building?

Well, don't. Because John McClane will get you. In a white vest tee and bare feet no less.

....and also because of that thing where you'll be a terrorist and go to prison. That's bad, too. 

Instead, curb your impulse to commit holiday-induced harakiri, kick back after you've sent the kids to bed (late, and from too much sugar), and pop in some of these incredibly gratifying, slightly-Christmas-themed-and-therefore-good-enough-to-justify action flicks.

Christmas in Action

(see what I did there?)

Long Kiss Goodnight

Geena Davis plays a schoolmarm with amnesia. So why is she so good with an assault rifle and butcher knife? Seriously, this '90s movie holds up 20 years later. The best part is that Geena Davis did a majority of her own stunts, including leaping from a multi-story window into a frozen pond that she shot up on her way down. What. This Mensa actress led the charge of women doing their own stunts in cinema. Look her up some time. She's amazing.

Die Hard & Die Hard 2

John McClane just wants to see his family for the holidays. That's not too much to ask, is it? Well, that's where you'd be wrong. If seeing one's family was as difficult as it is for McClane, no one would go home for the holidays. On the other hand, there's Alan Rickman. You can't go wrong there.

Lethal Weapon

A rogue cop considers eating his own gun, jumps off a building, and has a knockdown, drag-out slap fight on a sprinkler-drenched lawn in the L.A. suburbs. Smells like Christmas to me.

I also want to point out that in each of the above action movies, they feature scenes where the characters do cool action things in their bare feet and/or while wearing white vest tees. What does that say about the holidays? 

Batman Returns

Not everyone's favorite, but I often consider this the moment where Tim Burton said, "Fuck it, this is what the inside of my brain looks like." It's one of my favorites as a result, and the fact that it was set at Christmas makes it all the more macabre. Throw in Danny DeVito as the Penguin and Michelle Pfeiffer in latex (let's be real here), and that's good cinema. That, and no Bat Nipples. Holy Sigh-of-Relief, Batman.

TV Episodes:

I'm not opening this can of worms. TV was made for holiday specials, and enumerating the worthwhile ones...well, I'm neither that sadistic nor masochistic. Suffice it to say, you can watch pretty much any of the non-denominational episodes from Community and get a huge laugh ("Merry Happy!"). I also love the "A Very Supernatural Christmas" episode of Supernatural with the old-school, spinning "SPECIAL" titles at the beginning... that fills me with some warm fuzzies.

Marathons:

Star Wars Marathon

I grew up watching Star Wars (as you may note from "A Cinephile's Story"). The many triumphs and disasters involved in the creation of this saga have affected me more deeply than one might think they ought...a child's love grown into adulthood. I watched these films so often as a kid that it was a regular fixture of my routine. Saturday mornings: wake up, cereal, cartoons, Looney Tunes, and cue the scroll. I would sometimes change it up with other movies and marathons, such as Indiana Jones (boy, Lucas got a lot of my family's money), but I always came back to that galaxy. Marathoning the original Trilogy was like going to church...no, really. I'll get to that in a later post, though. At any rate, it seems that intergalactic (shouldn't that be intragalactic?) politics go hand in hand with the season. Star Wars was often played at around this time back in the day, particularly the Star Wars Christmas Special, which is frankly awful...but still better than Phantom Menace. 

Harry Potter Marathon

Maybe it's the way that British folks celebrate Christmas - a rabid ferocity that rivals and yet is completely different from our own here in the States - that makes me think of Harry Potter at this time. There's something about the Harry Potter movies that screams "Christmas!" to me. They're great to watch leading up to the day, or after the New Year to keep that magic spirit alive. Either way, grab a cup of butter beer and cozy up for an exceptional story.

The Random Ones

Gremlins

I maintain, to my dying breath, that cute, soft, friendly things should not turn into sharp, creepy, mean things. They just shouldn't, okay?! ....but it is a pretty hilarious movie. Two words: blender...microwave. And that's how we deal with that.

Edward Scissorhands

This modern take on Frankenstein was beautiful, and the musical score for the film always makes me think of Christmas. It's a sad little bedtime story, and it definitely needs a watch around this time of year.

Serendipity

If you're looking for a romantic comedy at this time, I really like Serendipity. John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale meet and lose each other at Christmas, and have near-farcical adventures finding their way back to each other. But don't worry. It's fate, so it all works out in the end.

White Christmas

Classic black & white movies played all the time during the holiday season when I was a child. Though I love classics, I'm not very fond of classic Christmas films. One notable exception is White Christmas, which starts with soldier Bing Crosby crooning the titular song to a platoon on the front lines of World War II. He and his buddy make it home, and put on a show to save a former commander's inn. It was a timely creation, but it holds up in the modern era, has lots of energy, and you get that Christmas spirit without much proselytizing. It also shows respect and love for veterans, and is a great watch for the whole family.

The Thin Man & After the Thin Man

If you like murder mysteries, this film noir series based on the Dashiell Hammet novels is sure to please. The first two take place at Christmas and New Year's respectively, making them a great choice for your holiday murder mystery fix. Filmed in classic noir style, they nonetheless have surprising moments of pure fun and silliness. William Powell plays the clever wise-cracking detective with poise. Myrna Loy as his equally clever wife is a perfect foil for him. These are two of my absolute favorite classic actors, and their chemistry on screen is brilliant. A must-see.

Top 3 Christmas Movies

I unveil to you my top three Christmas-themed pics. 

#3 - Badder Santa

I don't understand how they did it. How did they take a movie which is disturbing, gross, and wrong on so many levels and make it work? And you like it, despite yourself. You find yourself rooting for this boozy, filthy, mess of a man, and you seem to be sort of fine with the dysfunctional relationship he has with this weird kid. See, it works because, at its heart, the movie seems to carry the same sentiments you'll find in most other holiday films. It just has a few more disturbing aspects.  Oh, and don't get me wrong. It's mostly disturbing. And wrong. And morbidly funny. But amidst the bizarre humor they actually manage to pull some warm fuzzies out of their collective asses. ...and with the jokes in this pic, that statement should make you feel kinda awkward. 

#2 - The Ref

Holidays often force us into close proximity to the people we'd most rather not be around: our families. We love them, no doubt, but the problem with family is that they know you. They know you at your worst. Heaven forfend they ever let you live it down. So families fight at the holidays, trying to exorcise decades-old demons. If they're lucky, they learn to accept those demons, and their family members along with them. And if it takes Denis Leary with a gun to facilitate things, so be it.

And here it is! My number one, all-time favorite choice for Christmas flick:

#1 - Scrooged

This is hands-down the best take on Dickens's classic A Christmas Carol that I've ever even heard of. Bill Murray turns in a demented performance as a modern take on Ebeneezer Scrooge, the curmudgeonly TV mogul Frank Cross. He goes through the classic trials of the three ghosts, one of whom is played by the incomparable Carol Kane. Not unlike the previous two movies, it is the bizarre, even disturbing, tone of these films that make the climactic turnarounds so genuine and memorable. In this case, if Bill Murray's speech at the end doesn't have you tearing up a bit, you might be getting a late night visit by an apparition or three.

Ring it in: A Little New Year's Inspiration

We can't have a holiday post with New Year's Eve movies. If you need something to ring in the new year, I recommend these two:

The Hudsucker Proxy

This is my all-time favorite Coen Brothers film. It received very little fanfare and, so, few people seem to know about it. That's a shame, really, because its themes of ambition and redemption set amid an homage to classic madcap comedies creates a pretty magical tale, especially the way the Coen Brothers tell it. The story follows a small-town bumpkin who lands a mail-room job in the biggest company in New York City on the very day (...nay the very hour) the CEO kills himself. Through happenstance and scheming on the part of higher-ups, he finds himself filling the empty position, only to realize he is in over his head. He's helped along by a fast-talking "dame" reporter who's working undercover to expose him as a fraud. Things get complicated, like they do, and... well... The final scenes so perfectly embody the idea of second chances that I won't even spoil them for you.

Bridget Jones Diary

Like so many others, I straight-up went out and bought a journal after watching this movie. #notsorry Of course, I'm known for buying journals, especially a fresh one for the new year. So you could say I was predisposed to liking this little "getting your shit together" comedy. It definitely gets you motivated, if nothing else. Of course, so do Colin Firth and Hugh Grant.

And that's it. I hope these holiday lists have been of some use to you, and I wish you all the happiest holiday season, however you celebrate it.

Quote:

"The bitch hit me with a toaster."

~Frank Cross (Scrooged)